I guess it sounds weird that I feel refreshed…but I am because I finally got something after so long.
I guess just like many people, I do tend to be a little ambitious. So not too long ago, I was feeling tired – not the physically tired but rather mentally drained. I run around to go for tuitions, extra activities like CCAs and stuffs and mugging for grades but end up, I feel like I’m getting nothing. I see my friends getting leadership positions in their various CCAs and yet, I’m getting nothing.
I’m actually a Student Councillor (a version of prefects) and I guess I was hoping for more. I ran for an exco position within the council and my grades was not good enough to convince my teachers I could cope with both. So I lost. And in my arts CCA, I’m not that good in music and I have other activities so I guess, I didn’t even think about running for anything there.
And it didn’t help that whenever I go for competitions, I never really got anything. I was many times somewhat close, but then again, I wasn’t quite there yet. My grades didn’t seem to be working out. So there was a point when I was feeling extremely low, and definitely, I was impatient and annoyed with myself.
And I was upset for a whole week. (Cried and got really upset a lot too)
But then came this week, I began to start letting things go and decided that my core business was my studies; that was what really mattered the most and that I would hold my head high and not feel ashamed or inferior.
But then there was a competition. And I managed to win Best Speaker there. But the main point wasn’t that I won an award but rather, I suddenly felt like ‘omg, I just got something’. It’s been so long since I got something that I thought I had forgotten how it had felt like to receive something. But that moment, it struck me that I wasn’t all that bad, that no matter what happened, so long as you keep trying, you’ll be there if you put your mind to it.
So yeah, I’m feeling refreshed now! ^^
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there are really low moments when we keep asking ourselves, what have we achieved worthy to be commended for, or rather, why our achievements are so meek or so non-existent. And then I realised, whatever we have learnt and accumulated, will be shown, and if not now, it will be later. But our moments will all come.
We just need a little patience and more drive.
I’m pretty sure you’ve felt this way too but I learnt to just gritting my teeth and marching on life. Because when one door closes, when you don’t get selected, it’s God’s message to give yourself more time to have fun, loosen up and do what you enjoy doing, go pursue hobbies.
Have you had such moments?
Girl in Pink